Knifework: Tea Party(?) Candidates Take the Field

From humble beginnings as a Nevada fur coat salesman, to Tea Party Candidate

Jon Scott Ashjian came out of nowhere to enter the Nevada Senatorial Race with the backing of his newly formed group, Tea Party of Nevada.

“I don’t think Republicans own the Tea Party,” Ashjian said. “In fact, I know they don’t in Nevada, because I do.”

Some are accusing this fresh, new, grassroots candidate (with a registered Democrat, Barry Levinson, as his partner and “Tea Party” secretary) of being a fake – planted by Harry Reid for the express purpose of siphoning votes away from the GOP. Knifework.net doesn’t put in the man-hours necessary to substantiate or refute such claims, but we can report on the other homegrown Tea Party Candidates making political races around the country all the more interesting.

Florida Senate:

Florida Tea Party Candidate

Tea is kosher, yes?

Thrift shop mogul and anti-war protester Sol Adelstein has presented himself as a more formidable opponent to Marco Rubio than Charlie Crist. With a platform that includes raising taxes on professional shuffleboard players, prosecuting Sea World for its imprisonment of Tillikum and ending all treaties with Israel, Adelstein is poised to be a force in the Tax Haven Tea Party for the foreseeable future.

Pennsylvania Senate:

Amish for Senate

My Quaker faith guides me. It is Quaker, right?

Seeking support from the Old Fashioned Amish Tea Party, Gregory Mitchum believes that Pennsylvania would be better served by him instead of Pat Toomey. Painting himself as an outsider, Mitchum insists that his two-week old conversion into the Amish faith gives him a better understanding of the common man than someone who has been to Washington before.

Before becoming an Amish conservative, Mitchum was an environmental activist and sociology professor at Reading Area Community College. He left amid charges of sexual misconduct with a member of the school’s janitorial staff.

Wisconsin 7th Congressional District:

Animals invade the Tea Party

You promised me milkbones.

Bernie Obey, the first Greyhound politician in American history, looks to be a strong contender in this hotly contested race. Representative Dave Obey firmly denies that he had anything to do with his pet being put on the ballot saying, “We’d always noticed that Bernie liked to fetch the paper, we just had no idea he was keeping up with current events.”

Sean Duffy has filed no injunctions against Bernie, releasing this statement: Should he win, Bernie Obey will undoubtedly be a better Congressman than his owner.

California Senate:

To Be Determined

There are no Left Coast Tea Party Candidates currently in this race as Barbra Boxer is waiting to see how Tom Campbell and Carly Fiorina poll against Chuck DeVore over the next few weeks.

Cross posted with permission given at gun point. Read more comic-tary from Shayne and the gang at Knifework.net.


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Cheryl Prater

Managing Director

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The views expressed on this site are solely mine and do not necessarily reflect those of my clients. Please don't hold them responsible. Momma tried.
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